


I'm sorry

by SuzuyaJuzo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: FLUUUUFFF, Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Shiiiiiiit, Sadstuck, Self-Harm, Smuuuuuut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-06-03 06:32:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6600505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuzuyaJuzo/pseuds/SuzuyaJuzo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John's dad is abusive both mentally and physically.<br/>Dave's Bro is dead causing Dave to live alone.<br/>Will they help eachother in their time of need?</p><p>TW: self harm #TW #TW#TW#TW#TW#TW#TW#TW</p><p> </p><p>Kankri doesn't approve</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

-John's _POV-_

 _why am I doing this, what made me think this was a good idea, oh well to late now._ I told myself while slicing my legs repeatedly each time a little deeper than the last. The reason I was doing this was because of my dad's abusive nature. _I hate you, everyone hates you, do you really think you deserve to live, you are the scum of the earth, you really think he could love you?_ The voices do this allthe time no matter what you do they get louder. "Shut up!" I screamed internally I wasn't expecting it to work but they quieted down. "God I need a distraction" I said and almost on cue.

-DING-

My phone, well pesterchum to be exact alerted me that someone was pestering me.

* * *

Turntechgodhead [TG] started pestering ectobiologist [EB] at 22:45

TG: hey john

EB: hi dave.

TG: can you come over

EB:yeah.

EB: why

TG: I just need a friend

EB: okay I'm on my way

Ectobiologist [EB] ceased pestering Turntechgodhead [TG] at 23:00

* * *

 As soon as we were done talking I grabbed my keys left a note for dad and left. When I was in my car (which I bought myself) the radio station Dave had on last time started playing it was rap the song was 'when I'm gone' by Eminem. This song was one Dave liked alot he liked it because it was about how he missed his daughter Hallie and wife Kim. This song is sad by the time it was over I was at Dave's he was waiting outside on his porch with a blanket around him and one for me too,  he is to good for me even if I had a chance I dont deserve him. I walk over to him he gives me the blanket and we go inside.

"So why did you invite me?" I asked trying not to sound rude or in pain.

"Because I wanted to do this" he said before leaning in and kissing me.

It took me a moment before I kissed back harder than he must have expected because he staggered back a bit

"I wasn't expecting you to return my feelings" Dave said blushing slightly.

"It's okay Dave...shit I gotta go umm thanks" I say before kissing him quickly before leaving.

* * *

When I got home I cleaned the blood of my bed and hid the X-acto knife that I used in the third drawer down under the false bottom. 

As I slept the voices left me alone for once. It. Was great.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why John left

-John-  
I entered the house quietly hoping dad didnt hear/see me.  
"Hey son!" Dad yelled when I closed the door.  
"H-hey dad" I said sheepishly knowing what was going to happen.  
"Come here" Dad said loudly.  
"Yes dad" I said knowing I should listen to him in order to avoid any violence.  
When I got to the kitchen he was there holding the spoon he only used on me.  
"Son sit down NOW!" He said  
"Yes father" I said  
"Now Son why did you leave?" He asked  
"I went to see dave" I said  
"Why?" He pryed.  
"He said he needed a friend and I thought he was going to kill himself." I replied.  
"Well he should be worried about you killing yourself because you're such a fucking pansy you can't function without your precious wittle bunny" he said mocking you  
"I'm sorry fath-" I was interrupted by the pain that just surged through me from where dad hit your thigh where your cuts are.  
"Does it hurt to be punished you brought this on yourself you selfish bastard" he says, you nod in response tears show running down your cheeks as he continued to hit you.

Once he stopped you went to your room and put things away then you slept the voices only at bay thinking about Dave.

  
Ectobiologist [EB] started pestering Turntechgodhead [TG] at 6:00  
EB: I'm sorry for leaving last night can I come over?  
TG: yeah of course  
EB: thanks.  
Ectobiologist [EB] ceased pestering Turntechgodhead [TG] at 06:15

When I get there Dave hugs me and brings me inside, I don't deserve him.  
"Dude are you okay you look like someone hurt you" Dave asks you just shake your head and hug him tight.  
"Are you sure look" he pushed me off his shoulder to look at me properly " you can tell me anything okay I won't tell anyone okay" you can tell he's about to cry because his voice wavers and he took his shades off and set them down.  
" it's dad" I mumble surprised he heard me  
" DAD! Oops sorry for yelling" he says I nod in response.  
" could we just sit and watch TV or something please" I say quietly he nods and plays ' Little Monsters' I cuddle up to him and we watch the movie quietly and close.

 

>  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry John
> 
> I think that John would look something like this I don't know who made this if it is yours tell me 
> 
> https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Forig01.deviantart.net%2F1a53%2Ff%2F2012%2F347%2Ff%2F2%2Fboys_with_bruises_by_captain_of_the_plate-d5nw40d.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fcaptain-of-the-plate.deviantart.com%2Fart%2Fboys-with-bruises-342460237&docid=UM97SeSeqjFkKM&tbnid=EAnpfDoUWSKbQM%3A&w=500&h=600&safe=active&client=tablet-android-ecs&bih=800&biw=1280&ved=0ahUKEwiz9oHH5pvMAhWIND4KHRXqDr8QMwgtKBIwEg&iact=mrc&uact=8


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave

-Dave's POV-

I wonder why he left after kissing me. It seems like a dick move. I'll ask later I'm pretty tired.  _dave, hey Dave._ what Voice.  _cutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcut._ fuck you Voice no.

 _cutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcut._ shut up I'm trying to sleep here. _cut it will make you feel better like the sting when someone hugs you to hard but on your arm repeadtedlly until your whole arm is covered in blood!_ that does not make me wanna cut. _what if I shut up._ well sure I mean you are VERY annoying.  _then do it and I won't mention John._ fine!!! I took my razor and sliced my arm over and over again. I pass out shortly after I don't bother cleaning. Night

 

-Dream Land- 

I sit up in some strange purple and pink getup I'm in a tower of some sort I go outside I see someone with yellow clothes on closer inspection I realize it is John

"hi John" I say floating next to him

"Hi Dave" he says 

"Where are we?" I ask

"Derse" he says before turning around and staring at me with his crystal blue eyes and glares.

"Your eyes are red you're a demon" he says before flying away 

"WAIT!" I scream after him before I'm pulled down and it goes black" 

 

-Earth Land-

 

I woke with a start it's around 6:00

 

-DING- my phone 

 

* * *

Ectobiologist [EB] started pestering Turntechgodhead [TG] at 6:00  
EB: I'm sorry for leaving last night can I come over?  
TG: yeah of course  
EB: thanks.  
Ectobiologist [EB] ceased pestering Turntechgodhead [TG] at 06:15

* * *

 

I wait for him while waiting I eat some breakfast.

When he gets here he looks like he was hit by a bus 

I was worried so I asked who did it and when he mumbled dad i knew what had to be done but we just watched some movies and cuddled I felt like nothing could hurt us but then he jerked me back to reality by kissing my neck needless to say I wasn't expecting it aaaaaaaand I may have let a moan slip. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Smutty smut smut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smuuuuuuut

-John-

 

After little monsters ended Dave seemed lost in thought he didn't answer when I asked anything. So I kissed his neck right along the collar bone what I wasn't expecting was a moan coming from Dave and the sound surprised Dave too based on his expression. This turned me on ALOT. Like damn he was suddenly a lot hotter than I remembered we weren't even dating yet. 

"Dave" I said  
"Yeah" he replied  
"Are we a couple now?" I asked  
"Hell yes!" He said. Between breaths obviously flustered and wanting more of my lips.  
Okay then there was my answer so I kissed him hard on the mouth. Dave let out a small moan it gave me the best feeling. The voices were completely gone during this moment as if it didn't want to intrude. I was glad, happy, exited. For the first time in...Awhile I forgot how great it felt to be happy. I didn't want to do anything drastic sex wise so I stuck to kissing. Dave's hands ended up under my shirt and I did the same to him. We took off each others shirts then his eyes got real' big and he covered his arms with his shirt.

"Dave?" I asked.  
"Uh yes" he responded.  
"Are you okay" I asked slightly worried.  
"Y-yeah totally fucking chill over here chiller than a fucking penguin eating ice-cubes-" he started.  
"Your rambling Dave I know something's wrong you can tell me okay I won't judge you I promise." I say trying to reassure him.  
Dave takes a deep breath before starting. "I cut" he says faster than he's said anything before. He slowly removes the shirt covering his arms revealing a plethora of scars up and down his arms the only blank spot is on the tip of his wrist where the veins you can see through your skin are. I think he left that space empty for if he were to umm... Off himself. I hug him, trying to make him feel loved.

"Dave it's okay I do it too." I say crying slightly hopping to make him feel better instead he crys too.  
"Imsorryimsosorry." Dave says crying into my shoulder I don't know what to do to calm him so I just shush him until he stops crying repeating "it's okay" over and over. Once he stops crying I decide to ask him something.  
"Hey Dave do you want me to show you my scars since I've seen yours." I asked reluctantly.  
"Only if you want to" he says shyly. I think it's a good idea to show him so I slowly take off my pants so he can see my scars. I hope he doesn't cry again. He doesn't cry instead he lightly runs his fingers over the scars trying hard not to hurt me.  
"When did you start?" Dave asks. I think about then answer.  
"About a year ago." I say truthfully. "You?" I ask curious. "Same here a little over a year heh." He says with the cutest little laugh after.  
"Dave do you want to continue now?" I ask biting my lip and pulling on his jeans around the waist.  
"Yeah why not." He says with a smirk. It took less than a minute for me to take off both of our pants and underwear it only took longer because I got restricted by Dave's half boner thing what are they called... Halfies! One of those it gave me a full on boner just looking at it. I kissed his collar bone in the same sweet spot I used earlier and the moan that he let out then was more than moan worthy so I ended moaning into his neck. I moved slowly down his body licking along his abs and playing with his nipples a bit. When I reached his now full on boner I have to admit I was a little intimidated by its size it was huge or maybe mine was small it doesn't matter. I shook myself out of my trance and took a flavored condom out of my pocket and put it on Dave his reaction was funny when he saw it he was like 'woah Bro where did you get that'. Anyway I put it on him and licked the tip of his dick just flicking my younger over the very tip. Dave moaned and adjusted his position so he was lying down after doing this for a minute more. Then I put him in my mouth all at once while pumping his dick starting out slow and going faster gradually. He moaned louder and louder it made me moan on his dick before he was too close to climax I asked "where is the lube?" Dave had some under the couch thankfully. I put some on my fingers and rubbed it till it was at a sutible temperature. Then I separated his legs so I could see his ass clearly. I put one finger in his ass then another until I had three in his ass I pulled them out then gradually stuck my dick in his ass. He moaned 'ass' did I the puns are real. Anyway we reached climax together and we made a strange GRAAAAHHH sound. After wards I said "We are teradactals they are us!" It was a good day. We slept and since dad wasn't going to be home in a few days it was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who knew a lesbian could write yaoi smut.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated but school and stress and other shit so have a chapter

-john-

It's been exactly three months since Dave and I got together. Since then Dad has gotten worse when it comes to him being at home so that's good, but sometime the Voices get so loud I have to curl in a ball for hours to get them to go away. I think about dying sometimes but I don't want to die. I've tried to stop cutting my friend Rose has been giving both Dave and I free therapy sessions. I need distractions all the time to keep from cutting.  
-RING- -RING-  
I wonder who would call now it's like what 1:00 am. 

"Hello?" I said with a slightly groggy voice.  
"Hello is this Jonathan Egbert?" The woman on the other end asked.  
"Yes but please call me john." I say confused.  
"Okay John do you know a David Strider?" She said calmly.  
"Yes why?" I ask worried.  
"He is in the hospital he was in a very bad car crash." She says so calm I would think she was a very humanoid robot.  
"Okay which hospital?" Said I.  
"George Washington university hospital." She says  
"Thanks I'll be there soon." I say before hanging up.

When I get to the hospital I had to wait...and wait... And wait some more until I could see him he looks terrible his arm and leg are broken. While I was just looking at him a nurse comes in she says her name is Kanaya Maryam. She tells me that when Dave wakes up he might have trouble talking if he can talk at all and his shades shattered and some of the shards had gotten in his eye so he might be blind in his right eye. After I got all this information I cried I couldn't deal with him being mute I wouldn't be able to hear his voice again. I called Rose and Jade they said that they would come here as soon as possible. Jade is going to have to fly here from her island. I really hopes he wakes up soon. I decided that if Dave is going to wake up he might as well wake up to a clean house. I started in his room knowing it was the worst plus I had left some... "Things" there. What I wasn't expecting was a letter on his bed like in an envelope. It was addressed to me. It said

john,  
It's dave you either found this because I killed myself or I gave it to you but today we started dating so the suicide option probably isn't it. If it is I'm sorry you lost me. But anyway this is pretty much me telling you what you can have of mine you can have  
My red hoodie with the gear  
My shirt with the record on it  
The pillow that says "we are the pterodactyls, they are us!"  
I love you John. I hope our love lasts forever( I know I'm a cheesy bastard)  
Love ,Dave

When I read this I thought back fondly to that day three months ago. I decided to get the stuff and go back to the hospital. When I get there I go to Dave's room I put the pillow under his head and put his hoodie on him I change my shirts and put his shirt and my blue hoodie on. I hold his hand crying and hoping he will wake up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that Dave is in a coma but don't worry it will BE OKAY


	6. Authors note

Hey guys I'm sorry for not updating but I have to use a tablet and I have finals soon so I might not update for a while sorry again


	7. the crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i have no clue what im writing anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally! i can update god its been to long sorry guys. its summer so i will probably update more often (i hope).

-dave-

Tommorow well technically today is mine and Johns anniversary. Im gonna suprise him by going to his house and taking to a special showing of con air with nick cage. when i left on the way there i got a text from cage saying "i cant make it" as soon as i read this everything went black. when i could see agian i was standing with a figure who turned to me and said "its going to be okay" i looked around and saw ... my body so i dix what anyone would do ... flip the fuck out. no one can see me so im a ghost or something i think. i hopped in a ambulance (which i had not seen arrive) and rode to the hospital with my body. i heard them say surgery and i stayed away from my body. im still baffled by all this... how often do you have a litterall "out of body experience" not very often. i go look in a mirror i am still dave no one notices the thing in the mirror that is me. when i go back to the lobby i see john he looks nervous and fidgitty. i go overto him hoping i can comfort him in some way. i sleep.for a while when i wake up im in a different room and john has brought me the things from that letter! oh no he saw it fuck! oh well... john is sleeping crying and holding my hand all at once. i want to hug him


	8. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the introduction of the StriLonde family is in this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry for how short the last chapter was so have a extra long chapter on me

-John's P.O.V.- 

 

  " I sense him John here in the hospital his spirit is wandering around the room" Jake said he is jades grandfather. "well that's good. Right?" i asked Jake we were trying to connect with Dave's spirit. we had been here all day and Jade was becoming impatient "Can we go now?" Jade asked sounding annoyed. "yes jade we can go soon" I said looking at jade while Jake was packing up his 'Ghosty Things'. "finally" jade said with a smile happy to go back to my house it was exceptionally clean since i had been staying more at Dave's house than my own and Dad was never home.  Dave... I miss him so much... Jake drove jade and i back to the house but on the way there when we were stopped a a red light I saw a orange bird thing next to me it looked suspiciously like Dave but then he disappeared.  Great i'm seeing things. i'm going crazy because dave is in a coma this is just perfect. 

{timeskip brought to you by Damara Medigo who was getting bored with the plot and wants the story to be "more interesting"}

-the next day ??? P.O.V- 

my name is rose lalonde Ms. Narator. 

-Rose's P.O.V. (plot twist)-

 There you go. I had just found out that my younger brother whom i haven't seen in years is in a coma and i am heading there with the rest of our family. Consisting of : Roxy Lalonde, Mom Lalonde, Myself, Dirk Strider, David Strider, Broseph Strider, and Alpha Strider. Our parents were not very good at coming up with names we did have another brother who just went by Bro we never knew his name sadly he died. Dave had been living with him in washington. So together we are the StriLondes driving from Texas to Washington. " Don't yall just lvoe roadtrisps" Roxy said both drunk and bringing me out of my thoughts. "sure" the rest of us said in unison. it was now that i put in my earbuds and played her playlist consisting of classical music she eventually drifted to sleep. 

-??? P.O.V.- 

it appears three of our main charcacters are asleep John,Rose, and Jade. i guess we will be Dave.

-Dave's P.O.V- 

 _how do i wake up i need to wake up._ this is what was repeating in my head i need to wake up if not for myself for john we have to make it through this.

-??? P.O.V- 

ugh they are all sleeping what to do i guess i can tell you about myself I am Doctor Scratch.  I know what everyone is thinking and right now you all are wondering about my importance to this story. well i'm telling the story that is my importance but.. Oh look John and Rose are awake lets see what they are up to. 

-Rose's P.O.V-

we have finally arrived in washington at our hotel but i will be going to my friend John's house and staying there. oh look a taxi "hey taxi!' i shout standing on the sidewalk having seen shows where this is how they work. the taxi pulled over i hopped in and put my bags in the seat next to me. "where to?" the driver said i told him the address of John's house.  when we arrived i took my bags out of the car and knocked on john's door. he answered the door "hey Rose come on in" he grabbed one of my bags while i grabbed the other they were huge bags so i only needed two.  we set my bags down on the floor in the living room where we would all be sleeping he had set up multiple hammocks and cots for us all to sleep in/on. i claimed a hammock as they are more comfortable than a cot. i fell asleep as it was only 4:13 am ((hehe)). 

-John's P.O.V.-

 

While everyone was sleeping i was making a huge breakfast because it gave me something to do other than think because thinking and doing nothing can lead to bad things with me. okay so i'm making pancakes, eggs, bacon, country ham, crepes, and grits. i just had to finish with the crepes it was now 6:12 everyone woke up at around 6:30. so i have some time left.  i started to hum the tune of AmaLee's cover of  Kuusou Mesorogiwi or the theme song for future diary. It was an anime dave got me into i ended up singing a bit " so now eins zwei drei soon we will synchronise. so now eins zwei drei escaping our demise, but if we stay strong keep our courage. we'll find a way to exist within this survival game" i turned around when i heard rose clapping. everyone else was there awake and hearing me sing great way to start the day  "good morning sorry if i woke you" i said. i had finished making the crepes so i pulled out plates for everyone to get what they wanted. we all grabbed some food,  sat down and ate. after breakfast we took turns in the bathroom and went to the hospital. when we got there i saw the thing again. we went straight to dave's room. we waited for something anything from dave's body to say he was waking up or would be soon. as usual nothing happened except for that orange thing following me to the bathroom in his room it came in shortly after i did. he fogged up the glass and wrote 'hi john" in the fog i said quietly "dave?" "yes?" was written on the mirror now also. "i went over to the orange thing that was apparently dave and hugged him. " i missed you" i said "i know" he replied with his voice this time "when can you wake up?" i asked he just shrugged and said "i don't know but i wish i did" 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh a cliffhanger sorta i will update again soon i promise.  
> P.s. the link to the song is   
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gaZ7NCQwmlE


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am facing writer's block but i wanna write more why must this happen. at this point this story is more than likely gonna make no sense and possibly just becoming a shit storm sorry

-Rose's P.O.V.-

 'What is taking John so long?' i asked myself he had been in there for almost thirty minutes. It was beginning to worry me, I mean if you had a suicidal friend who's main reason to live practically died and then they disappear into a bathroom for THIRTY MINUTES! wouldn't you be worried. Ugh thirty one now screw it i'm going in there. I knocked on the bathroom door and i didn't hear john respond so i went in the room. What i saw was strange and at first i thought i was hallucinating I saw John and some orange thing cuddling on the floor of the bathroom asleep. I poked john a few times until he woke up when he did he had to look over at said orange thing to make sure its not a dream "oh thank god" he said with a slight sigh of relief as he woke up the orange dude "morning Egderp" the thing said it sounded like Dave. "David is that you?" i asked and if he said yes i would probably cry "yes" he replied and the tears start flowing.

-Scratch's P.O.V-

Oh would you look at that so sweet family reunion. It brings a tear to my eye. yeah no that is to 'cute and cliche' for me how about i change up the story a bit

-John's P.O.V-

I woke up in a hospital bed and everyone i knew was standing there. Dave, Rose, Jade, Jake, Dad, and even Bro. But how i thought Bro was dead? "what is going on?" i asked Dave surely he knew the answer. "you tried to commit suicide..."he said quietly "you've been in a coma for almost a year its your birthday i guess this is a pretty good birthday gift huh?" he said a again with his beautiful smile that i don't see very often "Dave are we together like a couple?" i asked wanting to know if one of the best things that ever happened in that 'dream world' was true. "yeah i think why are you asking?" he said "apparently while i was in a coma i was dreaming about you guys where bro was dead i don't know why. Dave was in a coma and had a ghosty looking counter part named davesprite and i wanted at least our relationship to be real" i said on the verge of tears knowing that everything i had been through in that other world wasn't real. Bro and dave where closest to me and while dad called for a nurse they hugged me I hugged them back obviously thats what you do when people hug you unless you hate them. Well now i know that this story might be over for now but there is always the chance that things can get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i decided to end it here if you guys want i could write a sequel or something or add more to this one but i cant know if you dont tell me so yeah


	10. Re- Write?

So I'm Planning on re-writing this entire fic and making it longer Comment below if you think i should


End file.
